It’s back to school time. We all have long lists of things our kids need as they return to the classroom, and one thing we hope they have plenty of is self-compassion. Starting school can be an emotionally difficult time for our kids. They are adjusting to new routines, new social dynamics, shifting expectations. In order to adjust to all of this transition, they need to know they are free to make mistakes and have painful moments. How can we help our kids learn to be kind to themselves when they struggle? It takes practice to strengthen the self-kindness muscle just like any other muscle.
A new school year is a good time to remind our kids that they, like all of us, are human and they are going to make mistakes and fail sometimes. It helps if we normalize how often we make mistakes too! Let your children or students know that rather than being abnormal, moments of challenge and hurt are actually something we all have in common. When we encourage our kids to try new things, and give them permission to get it wrong, we set them on a path to self-compassion. If kids know we won’t judge or shame them when they make mistakes, they are less likely to get caught up in self-criticism.
Another important thing we can do to help our kids build self-compassion is learn to manage our own discomfort with their mistakes and struggles. Of course we want to offer suggestions or find solutions for whatever challenges our kids are facing, but we help them build self-compassion and emotional resilience when we slow down and validate their feelings before we jump to problem solving. When our kids are experiencing a wave of emotion – anger, sadness, guilt – what would it be like to simply say, “I can see how angry you are” or “It sounds like you are feeling pretty embarrassed”? Once the wave of intensity passes, their brain is more likely to be open to hear feedback and suggestions. When we learn to remain calm and grounded in the midst of our kids’ difficult emotions, we help them develop the inner resources and self-kindness they need to make it through, not just this year, but the rest of their lives.
[Photo by note thanun on Unsplash ]
