As a kid when someone called me an unkind name, I would sometimes respond with the familiar adage, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” This saying has a nice ring to it, but as an adult I know it’s a lie. The truth is that while most of our scrapes, bruises, and broken bones will heal, the harsh words we hear about ourselves often stay with us forever. The names other people call us, or we call ourselves, sometimes get stuck deep inside and can make it hard for us to know our own worth and value. The harsh words we should let roll off our backs instead harden into a story about who we are that is difficult to escape.
Over time self-compassion practices can help us resist and quiet the negative stories we have internalized about ourselves. One important tool in this process is loving kindness phrases. A loving kindness phrase is simply an affirmation we repeat regularly to reinforce a deeper truth about ourselves. An example of a loving kindness phrase is: “I am good enough just as I am.” Sometimes, though, it may be easier to begin by expressing the sentiment as a wish or a hope, like: “may I know that I am good enough just as I am.” The best loving kindness phrase is one that comes from you and responds to exactly what you need to hear and know as the deepest truth about yourself. You can craft and refine your own phrase until you get the wording just right.
By repeating your loving kindness phrase to yourself day after day, week after week, the truth of the words slowly sinks into your consciousness. At first you may just be saying the words, but as you continue the practice you will find their deeper meaning emerging. Repetition is the key to knowing the truth contained in your phrase. As your loving kindness phrase penetrates your heart, it begins to push out some of the negative words and stories you have been telling yourself. The names we call ourselves and the stories we tell ourselves are powerful. Changing those names and stories can take a long time, but loving kindness phrases are a powerful way to start believing something new about yourself.
Photo by Obie Fernandez on Unsplash
