The new year often brings a desire for a fresh start. As the calendar turns it prompts us to think about changes we want to make in our lives. If you look at the January store sales, you would think the way to make lasting change is to buy new workout gear or organizational storage! Our culture talks about change as a “do it all at once, right now” process. But research shows new habits take time to build and they are more likely to endure if we are compassionate with ourselves instead of demanding immediate change. Making lasting change in our habits requires patience, practice, self-kindness, and a willingness to mess up and try again. Here are some strategies to help us of we want to implement changes in our habits and routines.
1.) Gentleness and baby steps – This is my favorite mantra for lasting change. Real change comes from looking at our own needs with a caring rather than a demanding lens. New habits are more likely to last when they are motivated by self-kindness rather than self-criticism, perfectionism, and “shoulds.” Practice taking one new step for a while, allow slip-ups and get back on the horse again and again with that one small change. Then as you begin feeling better about that one change, add another small step. Be gentle with yourself and keep taking baby steps.
2.) Noticing – To take steps toward change we need to notice the obstacles to change, both the obstacles in our environment and any internal resistance that is tripping us up. If my goal is to speak up at work and I continue to avoid it, can I focus in on what is stopping me? Is it my thoughts or feelings or is it the behavior of a co-worker? Are there small changes I can make to remove some of the barriers I notice? When we can notice our internal and external obstacles and respond with kindness, it helps!
3.) Challenge all-or-nothing thinking – This can sound like: “I wanted to do yoga every day this week but I skipped yesterday so I might as well start again next week.” This all-or-nothing mindset is deeply ingrained in many of us and causes us to create a false choice for ourselves between doing things perfectly or not at all. But with practice we can challenge this all-or-nothing way of thinking. For me this sounds like, “I can’t do yoga today and that is ok. I know I need patience, kindness and to keep practicing. I’ll try again tomorrow.”
Keeping these three things in mind when you undertake change in your life will help make new habits more likely to stick. Developing new habits is challenging, so we should always pursue them with a heaping helping of self-kindness. Let’s make 2022 the year of self-kindness!
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
