Begin by simply bringing to mind the relationship you are struggling with, or the person you are missing, and just notice how you feel. Try not to judge your feelings, but instead speak to yourself in a validating tone, “This is really painful right now”, “This hurts”, “Loneliness is miserable.” There is no right way to do this, but just naming that you are in a moment of struggle and pain can be healing.
Next try to remember that loneliness, disconnection, and family conflict are things everyone feels at times. Feeling these things doesn’t mean you are human-ing incorrectly. It isn’t abnormal to feel disconnected or lonely even when surrounded by loved ones and celebrations. Remind yourself: “Everyone feels this way at times. This is a part of being human.”
And finally check in on what you need. Perhaps make a list of small things you can do to lift your mood. Examples might be: skip sending the holiday card this year, allow more time for rest, arrange a gift exchange rather than feeling pressure to buy everyone a present, treat yourself to a movie, reconnect with a dear friend, skip the neighborhood or work holiday party, or allow yourself to let go of hosting a holiday party this year. These are just suggestions, the important thing is to listen to what you need and then allow yourself to have it.
When we accept how we really feel this holiday season rather than trying to pretend we are always happy and joyful, we have the opportunity to support ourselves with warmth and kindness. This is the best gift we can give ourselves.
