During the winter holidays we see a lot of messaging about everything being merry and bright. There is a cultural focus on gratitude and strong pressure to spend time with family. For many of us, though, the holidays also bring extra stress, grief, and pain. Though we may feel sad or hurt at other times of the year, around the holidays those feelings are magnified by the belief that everyone else is happy and enjoying the holiday season.
Part of the reason we stay busy during the holidays is to avoid our own internal experience, because there is pain inside we would rather not feel. When we rush from one holiday event to the next on autopilot, we are just reacting to things in the moment without pausing to notice how we really feel.
Practicing self-compassion during the holidays starts with accepting and allowing. First accept that the feelings you have during this time of year are valid and important, even when they are not the feelings you are “supposed” to be having. Then allow yourself to simply be where you are and feel what you feel.
When we can acknowledge a painful situation or emotion and label it with a validating tone, we can think more clearly about how to respond. “I am feeling really sad right now. That is a part of being human. How can I support myself until this moment passes?”
A practice you can use to help you slow down and notice your experience this holiday season is expressed with the acronym: RAIN (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture). The steps are simple and pausing to use them can help change your perspective and make your holidays a little brighter.
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Recognize – what you are feeling.
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Allow – all your feelings to be there, notice judgements of your feelings and allow them too. Imagine there is enough space for you to feel all of it, letting it come and go, without getting too attached.
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Investigate – get curious (without judgement) about what you are feeling and label thoughts, emotions and body sensation with a validating, gentle tone of voice.
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Nurture – Can you imagine the comfort you would offer a dear friend who was in your shoes? Can you turn any of that care towards yourself?
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
