Did you know that our brains are evolved to feel what other people are feeling in our own body? Our mirror neurons can feel our child’s anxiety or our partner’s frustration. If we work in a helping profession or have multiple caregiving roles, we are especially susceptible to what we often call “compassion fatigue”. But compassion and self-compassion can actually be a resource for us when we are up close to the suffering of others. Empathizing with others means we feel what they are feeling. But compassion allows us to say, “I can hold space for your struggles” rather than “I carry your struggles and feel them as my own”.
Here are three simple practices you can use when you are feeling overwhelmed by the needs and suffering of others:
(1) Take a Caregiving Self-Compassion Break by slowly moving through the following steps:
- Place a hand over your heart for comfort and label the struggle with a validating tone of voice. “It is painful to see so this loved one/client hurting”
- Remember that what you’re feeling is a part of being human and something we all struggle with. “It is normal to feel weighed down when people we care about are hurting.”
- Treat yourself with the same kindness you would show to a dear friend. “I need kindness and care to sustain my ability to care for others. How can I be kind to myself when I’m feeling this way?”
(2) Pause for a moment and take three deep breaths. During each breath, as you inhale, focus on breathing in compassion for yourself, as you exhale, think about breathing out compassion for the person who is struggling.
(3) Keep this mantra in your phone or written down somewhere close at hand and repeat it to yourself as often as you need to: “Everyone is on their own journey. I am not the cause of this person’s suffering and I couldn’t fix it even if I wanted to. Walking with this person as they suffer is sometimes difficult for me to bear. Yet I may still try to help when I can.”
Photo by Vladimir Fedotov on Unsplash
